Big Time Schizophrenia?
by greenandred124
Summary: James Diamond couldn't be crazy...could he? After he hits his head in the wrong way, things could change. NO SLASH! Rated T for angst and mentions of death.
1. Big Time Start to it All

**Hello readers! I wanted to start a new series. Don't fret; I will continue with Forever and Always…this is just a new idea that I had when I was watching "Grey's Anatomy". I also owe this to Miss Fenway for all of her angsty writing. She inspired me to write an angst loaded story. Check her out sometime! I hope you like this idea. I'm taking on a new P.O.V. (the overall) and I'm using the television characters. There will be angst…and it will be James angst. I love torturing my favorite character! (: **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the idea. I did however add on to the original idea.**

Chapter 1:

_I can't take it! The constant noise. The never ceasing loudness. I can't eat…I can't sleep. I'm getting a headache! Why me? Make it stop_, sixteen-year-old James Diamond thought as he sat in his room, eyes closed to keep from hearing the sandpaper-on-wood sound that his eyes seemed to make every time he looked around. He could hear his heartbeat perfectly. It wasn't like it was when he was playing hockey and he was out of breath. It was a constant pounding in his ears which made him feel dizzy.

"James." Kendall Knight knocked on the door seemingly loudly.

"What?" James replied, clutching his aching head.

"I brought you dinner."

_Great. I'll just throw it out_, James thought sulkily. He opened the door, took the unwanted meal, and quickly disposed of it in the bathroom. His footsteps seemed to be ridiculously loud. He felt a sense of vertigo as he walked back to his inviting bed. It was all he could do to restrain himself from ripping his beloved hair out. This all started last week.

_Flashback…_

"_Ugh!" Carlos grunted, shoving James into a wall. He continued to fight for the puck. _

_Logan tripped James, sending his helmet flying. His head made direct contact with the solid ice. As if that wasn't bad enough, Kendall accidentally kicked James in the side of the head with his skate. _

_James sat up dizzily. He crawled over to grab his helmet._

"_You ok man?" Kendall asked, helping his best friend up._

"_Yeah, fine." James continued to play as if nothing happened._

_When they finished up, James sat in the locker room, his head in his hands. Logan suddenly switched into doctor mode. "How are you feeling?"_

"_I have a headache…probably just a slight case of amnesia. I'll be fine," James reassured his worried friend. He finished changing and headed home._

_End flashback…_

He finally managed to fall asleep when he heard shouting from the living room. James opened the door. "Must you shout? I have a bad enough headache as is! I can't take it!" He began to shake.

"Dude, we were barely talking above a whisper…we know you were trying to sleep," Logan claimed.

"You're shouting again!" James began to sob.

"James…what's wrong honey?" Mrs. Knight asked coming up behind him resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" he yelped. He ran to his room. Everyone was against him. He knew it. They were shouting at him to annoy him. They thought it was funny. He slammed the door, or that's how it sounded. In his desperation to get some peace and quiet, he made an attempt claw out his eyes so that he no longer had to hear the sandpaper-on-wood sound that they were strangely producing.

Mrs. Knight opened the door to find a crying James, with open wounds on his face, bleeding slightly. "James!" She tried to grab onto his arms which were flailing wildly around trying to get to his eyes.

"I can't take it! Kill me now! Just do it! Please! I'm begging!" James shrieked.

Kendall ran into the room he shared with James. "What's going on? James, snap out of it man!"

"Shhh Kendall. Yelling at him won't help if something's wrong," Mrs. Knight said softly. "James, what's wrong, sweetie?"

"Kill me now!" James repeated. He reached for the knife that was on the dinner plate that Kendall brought in. He held it over his aorta. "This'll kill me right?"

"He's going crazy. Get me the phone," Mrs. Knight said in her best attempt to keep calm. She dialed the hospital. The answer she received was to bring James in immediately.

"I'm not crazy," James cried, "I'm not crazy! Why won't you believe me?" He began to sob again.

Mrs. Knight shook her head and waited for the paramedics to come.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door of 2J. They managed to strap James's arms and legs down and they carried him away. Everyone wore a look of fear. Katie had tears in her eyes. "James?" she squeaked out.

Kendall took her in his arms. "Baby Sister, don't cry. The Cuda Man Spray probably just got to him again."

"I hope you're right Big Brother…I look up to you." Katie sniffed.

Kendall sighed and went for an unusually silent ride in the elevator with his mother, sister, and two best friends.

As everyone got into the minivan, Logan remembered something. He gave Kendall a look. "Remember how James hit his head and then you kicked him?" he whispered so only Kendall and Carlos could hear, "This might have something to do with it…it could have somehow triggered schizophrenia. I remember reading about it…if he suffered from a severe enough concussion; it could have led to permanent brain damage…"

Kendall suddenly had a look of regret on his face. As the leader of the band, he knew he had to put the blame on himself simply because he felt like it was his job. He cursed himself mentally. How could he have allowed this to happen?

Carlos only understood half of what was going on. He didn't get the connection that Logan was trying to make. He figured that James had a concussion. Could he really be going insane? It was impossible…wasn't it? It couldn't happen…especially not to your best friend…but it all seemed so real. He still had the image of a sobbing, squirming James burning on the inside of his eyelids.

He finally deduced that he was dreaming. Instead of pinching himself to wake up from the sick dream, Carlos closed his eyes, took off his helmet, and hit his head as hard as he possibly could against the car door. When he opened his eyes, he was still in the car on the way to the hospital. Logan looked at him as if he had ten heads. Understandable, that was a pretty idiotic move on his part…and he had done some pretty idiotic things in his lifetime. He rubbed his aching head until the pain went away and then placed the helmet back on top of his head.

Kendall stared out the window, looking at the buildings and palm trees whizzing by. It was his fault. He kicked James. He knew it was an accident…but somehow it seemed like something done on purpose. He barely showed concern for his friend at all after it happened and during the week. He continued to shrug it off as if James was acting completely normal. If he hadn't kicked him, things could have been so different. They might have been having swirly slide races, or hanging around by the pool trying their luck to pick up one of the Jennifers and failing miserably, or playing dome hockey.

Logan had a nagging feeling that he couldn't shake. He knew that concussions sometimes caused hallucinations…but this seemed a little farfetched. James had taken it too far. He was threatening suicide…there had to be more to it, but what? He searched his brain feverishly for an answer, going back to the medical books he had read. He remembered reading a specific chapter on head injuries, but nothing was coming to mind. He sat back in his seat, slightly agitated with himself because he was unable to recognize what was wrong with his best friend. He sighed in resignation. All he…everybody could do was wait.

**End of chapter notes:**

**Please review and let me know if I should continue! My usual amount of reviews before the next chapter (six) please? (: Peace and love.**


	2. Diagnosis and Fears

**Thanks for your fantastic reviews! I'm officially going to continue on with this story! (: I have been researching schizophrenia and something else that I will not disclose to you guys yet, like crazy! I'm trying to make this story as realistic as possible. Keep the reviews coming, I'm writing for you guys, not myself. Next chapter starting now!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. (Short, sweet, and to the point!)**

Chapter 2:

The boys were sitting in the psych ward. They had no idea what to do. Their best friend was drugged unconscious. The doctors had run numerous tests but when it came down to it, they could find nothing wrong with him. At last, the doctor had made up his mind. James was indeed schizophrenic. There was no other explanation for what was going on.

"I'm prescribing Abilify. That should keep James stable. If you don't see any results within the week, contact us again. We will try to re-evaluate him. He should wake up any minute now." Doctor Wilson scribbled out the prescription, handed it to Mrs. Knight, and turned on his heels, leaving the room to tend to other patients.

The boys crowded around the bed James's body was resting on. He looked at peace. Kendall sighed. He didn't know how long that peace would last.

James slowly opened his eyes. He took in the pure white room around him. As his eyes shifted, he heard that awful sandpaper sound once again. He gripped on to the sides of his bed. He began to sob uncontrollably. James Diamond, the most self-confident boy on the planet, seemed like a totally different person on that bed. His friends looked on in total shock as he cried. "I'm not crazy!" he kept insisting.

Mrs. Knight stood up and got a nurse. The nurse gave him a tablet of Abilify. She hoped it would calm him down. She didn't wait around to see the results.

The doctor discharged James from the hospital a few hours later. He figured that it would be best for him to be in his own home.

James went to his room as soon as he could to escape everything. He didn't want to talk. Nobody believed that he wasn't crazy. His head still hurt terribly. Every sound set him off. In all honesty, he was afraid…but he couldn't tell people how he really felt. There was no way they'd understand. In addition to that, every time he spoke, his voice sounded distorted, like someone was blowing into a kazoo. There was nothing more annoying than kazoo playing…incessant kazoo playing, nonetheless.

Kendall crept into his room, exhausted from the day. Gustavo had the boys singing harmonies for five hours straight. Then James got taken to the hospital. It was already late at that point. The day seemed surreal. It was too stressful.

As he slid into bed, it was around three in the morning. He snuck a quick glance at James. The boy's eyes were wide open. He was staring at something. His hands were clutching the quilt on his bed. He was holding on so tightly, his knuckles were white. He shook occasionally. James let go of the quilt with one hand and tugged on his hair, the other hand staying balled into a fist, full of quilt. His perfect hair. He was trying to rip out his perfect hair that he used to care for so much and love. That same hair that he pampered to no end, conditioning, and spraying, and combing. His hair was his most prized possession…and now…he was trying to rip it out. That broke Kendall's heart. He turned away, no longer having the desire to look at his hurting friend. He buried his face into his pillow to shut out the image of James. He knew that his best friend was still next to him, desperately trying to pull out his hair. He couldn't sleep here. He got up, grabbed his pillow, and silently padded to the living room. Lying down on the orange couch, he groped for the television remote. There was no way he would be able to get a wink of sleep tonight. He had too much on his mind. He started watching a hockey game that he had recorded the night before. The Wild was taking on the Bruins.

Kendall had a tough time focusing on the game. His mind seemed to keep going back to James. He was so worried. He had asked if his best friend could recover. The answer was simple. No. He was going to be like this permanently. He knew that the medication should work…but what if it didn't? There was so much that could happen if the medication didn't work. James could end up in an asylum…or he could end up hurting himself.

Kendall couldn't breathe. His chest was aching. He was terrified for James. Most of all, he was terrified for the friendship of the four boys. What would happen with James being the way he was? It was unnerving. James was always crazy…but never like this. It hurt to even look at his friend. There was no way he could talk to him. James just seemed to shut everybody and everything out. Kendall didn't understand it. James used to be an attention hog...

He knew that the attention crazed James was still in there somewhere…he just had to figure out how to channel it.

Kendall's eyelids began to droop. At last, he fell into the inviting sleep that he had been fighting off.

Logan and Carlos had no such luck, however. They spent the night pondering how to get James to open up. They both knew that James was stubborn. No matter how hard they could try, he would not talk to them.

"Maybe we can interrogate him and force him to talk! My dad interrogates people all the time! Just like that one time when I was eight and Jimmy Samuels stole my grape Popsicle," Carlos whispered, grinning as he recalled the memory fondly.

"Carlitos, we can't push him. If he truly is schizophrenic, then pushing him might send him over the edge."

"What do you mean by that Logie?"

Logan gulped. "He might…kill himself…You heard him threaten suicide earlier. You never know when he could snap."

Carlos's big brown eyes filled with tears. He couldn't bring himself to think that way…and yet, what Logan was saying seemed like such a likely possibility. James could snap at any time. Carlos turned over to face the wall.

"Carlos, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that."

Carlos choked on a sob. He couldn't say anything. He rocked back and forth gently, trying to calm himself. He and Logan didn't speak for the rest of the night.

James closed his eyes and listened to his heart beating. It was so uncomfortable. It would only be soothing if it was not non-stop. For James, it was constant. He had no way to silence the noise. He wished that he could tell somebody what was going on. Maybe he'd actually make an attempt. He mentally protested. Nobody would believe him anyway. It would be useless. He just had to make it by as best as he could. He sighed and continued to listen to the steady pounding in his ears.

**End of chapter notes: **

**Well, what did you guys think? I am aware that this chapter doesn't have much angst…it was kind of a filler for what's to come. I need to stall, get it? Haha, please review. At least six more and you get another chapter! I'm going to bed now…it's almost one in the morning. Peace and love. **


	3. Meeting Doctor Karev

**Hello everyone! I'm back! Did you miss me? Camp was amazing. Can't wait to start updating again. Ready for the awesomeness to begin? Thought so. Before I start, I would like to say that although I have borrowed a doctor from **_**Grey's Anatomy**_**, this is not a crossover. I'm simply building off of the theme. Also, sorry you can't get into James's head in this chapter…it's more of what the other characters are experiencing! Alright, ready or not, here comes the new chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.**

Chapter 3:

A week had passed and nothing had changed. James continued to cry almost non-stop. When he did manage to sleep, he woke up screaming. His friends were worried to no end. Kendall was no longer sleeping in James's room. He had made the couch his permanent residence. Every morning, he woke up stiff. He missed his bed. More importantly, he missed his friend.

James had tried once again to claw his eyes out. He reopened the wounds on his face. As much as they hurt, he didn't care. He gave up when he realized that nothing would work. He was reduced to tears. Nothing would make the noise stop. He thought he was going to be sick.

Mrs. Knight went into James's room to see if he wanted anything to eat. She gasped when she saw that he was once again bleeding and still crying. "James."

James's response was more crying.

"Honey, please. Everything's alright."

"No Mama Knight! Nothing's alright! It won't stop!" James sobbed.

"I know honey. I know. I'm going to find someone who will help make it stop."

"I'm not crazy!"

"I'm sure you aren't, but whatever is wrong, needs to be fixed, sweetie." Mrs. Knight stood up silently. She brushed the hair from James's sweaty forehead and left the room.

"Mom, what's going on?" Kendall asked, worriedly.

"James tried to claw his eyes out again. He's going crazy. I don't know how to stop this. The medication isn't working."

"Mrs. Knight, maybe we should go back to the hospital?" Logan inputted.

"Good idea Logan." Mrs. Knight grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. She grabbed the keys to the van. "You guys could stay here."

"No mom, we're coming," Kendall protested.

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Alright, Kendall here's the keys. Boys, take Katie and get in the car while I get James." She went back to James's room.

The boys exchanged a look of worry and headed down the elevator to the car with Katie in tow. Once they were in the car, they sat in silence, which had become a regular occurrence for the past week. Before everything happened, the car would have probably been so loud that a passerby could have heard the noise.

Mrs. Knight stepped quietly into James's room. "James," she whispered.

James whimpered.

"James, honey, we're going to help you. Please come with me."

"I'm not cr-crazy Mrs. Knight!"

"I know sweetie. We're going to help you feel better though."

James gave Mrs. Knight a look of pure sadness, a look that a small child would give if they had their favorite toy broken. "Promise?"

"I promise. It'll be ok." She took his hand and squeezed it softly.

With her aid, James went out to the car. He whimpered now and then. Kendall made room for him. He continued to whimper softly. His usually perfect hair was messy. His face was scratched. He looked the exact opposite of how he used to. His eyes usually had a lively sparkle to them. Now, it seemed like the luster was gone. They were dull and hazy, constantly wet with tears.

Mrs. Knight approached the hospital. James began to cry. "I'm not crazy."

"We know hun," Mrs. Knight said.

Carlos gave James a look of sympathy. His own eyes began filling with tears. It seemed like all he had wanted to do lately was cry. He was hurting almost as much as his best friend was.

Everyone stepped out of the car and walked into the hospital in silence. James was immediately taken into a room.

"Are you his legal guardian, ma'am?" a nurse asked.

"For the time being, yes. It was agreed that I would watch over him out here in California."

"Alright, right this way then. The boys and the little girl have to stay," the nurse said with kind, sad eyes.

"I'm not little!" Katie said with a pout and her classic puppy eyes.

"You don't understand…we're all like his family…We've been best friends since we were in diapers. You have to let us go in too," Kendall stated rationally.

"I don't think we could allow that…but," the nurse leaned in and whispered, "I think we can make an exception. You seem like good kids."

"Thank you!" The boys all exchanged high fives and followed Mrs. Knight into James's room.

"I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy," James kept repeating. His hands were clenched into fists. His eyes were tightly shut.

Everyone stood around his bedside. A doctor walked in shortly after. "Hello Mrs. …Knight," the doctor said looking at his clipboard. "I'm Dr. Karev." He extended his hand. The doctor did not seem any older than thirty. Although he appeared young, he seemed experienced. He was one of the most highly recommended doctors in California. He had to be good. "James tried to claw his eyes out?"

Mrs. Knight shook his hand firmly. "Yeah. I've been trying to protect him…all of us have been watching him for a week. He's just been doing worse. He isn't eating or sleeping. With the little sleep he gets…he wakes up screaming. I don't know what to do. I want to have him committed. Every little thing sets him off…even talking. I told him we were getting him help to make everything better. What do you think you can do?"

"First, I want to run a CAT scan."

"They already ran a CAT scan. They found nothing. He's crazy. He's on every medication in the book. They told me that nothing can be done."

The boys and Katie walked over to Mrs. Knight and Dr. Karev in synch. As soon as they reached Mrs. Knight, a clatter resounded from behind them. James had bolted upright and picked up a syringe. He was holding it over his heart. Everyone walked quickly to his bedside.

"I'll do it! I swear to God, I'll do it," James said, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"James, please don't!" Kendall said in a panicked tone.

"You don't believe me! Nobody does, so I swear to God I'll stab myself!" His grip on the syringe tightened.

"James, I'm Dr. Karev. Alex. I need you to put that down."

"It'll kill me, right? If I stuck this in my heart it'll kill me right?" James's arm was now shaking and inching closer to his chest.

"You don't wanna do that."

"Because there are drugs in here, I would die, right?"

Dr. Karev stepped closer to the bed. "Trust me. I can help you," he said in a soothing voice.

James let out a sob. "I'm not crazy." His eyes were filled with tears and were red from the constant crying.

"I know. I-I believe you," Dr. Karev said uncertainly. "Everyone outside thinks you're crazy, but something's going on the inside and none of us understand," he shook his head, "So we need to figure out what that is, and the only way we can do that is if you put that down and let me run some tests. Ok?"

James had a look of anger and fear on his face. A majority of it was fear. He let more tears roll down his face. "You promise?" His breathing was ragged.

Dr. Karev nodded. "Yes. Just…put it down." He extended his hand. "It's gonna be ok."

James looked at him, took a few heavy breaths, and slowly surrendered the syringe.

"Good, that's good." Dr. Karev said, still keeping his composure.

James was pushed back against the bed by a few nurses. "I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy," he repeated, crying. The nurses strapped his arms down so he couldn't grab for anything else in reach.

Everyone let out a sigh. They wheeled James up to the psych ward once again. The boys no longer wished to be there. They were afraid of what had just happened. Katie was now crying. They went out to the waiting room with Mrs. Knight while Dr. Karev went up to the psych ward. He had a lot of work to do.

**End of chapter notes:**

**Well, what did you think? I was going to make up a doctor but, I finally ended up resolving to borrow Dr. Karev from **_**Grey's **_**because his character is absolutely amazing! (: I also used the actual lines from the show starting at the part where James grabbed for the needle. Took awhile to get all of this done! Lots of starting and stopping of the episode. Was it worth the wait? Longest chapter of any story I have ever written! I hope you liked it. At least six reviews before I continue on! Peace and love.**


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